footnotes on anxiety

tw: anxiety

Hey!

I was going through my journal and I found something from January 2022, when I was having a rough time with my mental health (not anything too serious tho). I remember one day, waking up in the middle of the night with crippling anxiety and writing vigorously in my journal about my fears because I needed an outlet. I journaled extensively during January mostly because of my anxiety, trying to get through it. Recently, I was looking back at those entries and what stood out the most was how I wrote the little end notes in them. 

In one entry I wrote: 

"I started this year with listening to Harry Styles sing "We'll be alright". And I guess we'll be alright; we will. Everything will be alright and everything will turn out better than I could've ever imagined. After all, falling apart is only a sign of better times to come."

Another one:

"It is important for me to remember that everything happens for a reason. My anxiety has resurfaced for a reason. I accept my anxiety as it is. I will not try to suppress it, instead I will try to heal from it. I accept ---the incident that triggered my anxiety--- . That is out of my control."

From another one: 

"I really should practice control over my anxiety. And I am, trying my best. For now, I take it one day at a time. Life is a beautiful thing and I'm grateful for everything around me ... I will not give power to my negative thoughts anymore. They are not true and that's a fact." 

So anxiety is hard to deal with and it's something a lot of us go through. It's shitty what your mind can put you through. But you can't blame it, it's just trying to protect you by always being ready for worst case scenario. Except what if, it COULD turn out better than you can ever imagine? Because as much as there's a possibility of everything going wrong, there's a possibility for everything to be the best ever. And instead of being anxious of things we can't control, what if we embrace that? 

We are creatures meant not only to live the life we have, but also to ENJOY it.  And our happiness lies on the thin line between finding the magic in uncertainty or being deathly scared of it. There's beauty in letting go and trusting the universe's divine plan. 

And trust me, there really is magic in uncertainty. 

To letting go,

Pranavaa xo

P.S. If you are struggling with anxiety or your mental health has been rough, and you find it hard to control, please reach out to family, friends or anyone you trust! Your mental health is valid, just as much as your physical. Sending love and support<3